Overcoming Overwhelm: Strategies to Move from Numbness Back to Flow

Jonathan Fields: [00:00:12] So overwhelm has become the sort of post-pandemic pandemic, and it's showing up in all parts of our lives personal, professional, social, health and beyond. So many people feel like they're one seemingly small thing away from just completely shutting down that your work task and emotional load has hit a saturation point, just leaving you unsure how to move forward and terrified of the one more thing that could get piled on and ends up just taking you down. All too often the response is not to get proactive and there's no judgment here. It's hard to act when you feel like you have no capacity to do so. So instead, we end up numbing out in myriad ways, which, by the way, is different from the run of the mill burnout that so many are experiencing. Question is, what's really going on here, and especially in the context of our work, and what can we do about it? In today's SPARKED hot take, I'm joined by SPARKED Braintrust member Yvonne Ator. As we go beyond burnout, take on overwhelm and explore practical ways to become unstuck when you feel completely overloaded and overwhelmed. Yvonne is the founder of Thriving Physicians and Thriving Idealist, where she coaches heart centered, mission driven physicians and other helping professionals who seek to make a positive impact in the world and to grapple with such an impactful internal challenge like overwhelm.

Jonathan Fields: [00:01:37] Yvonne shares a metaphor from science class that helps us visualize why the state of overwhelm and oversaturation can be so debilitating. We discuss how we've both seen situations like this manifest at work, where capable people mysteriously underperform and then judge themselves for not meeting old standards despite new realities. And we talk about why this self shame often accompanies this and how we can combat it more. Together. We share strategies to take control where you can, and really to look at ways to harness your agency, restore energy and reclaim your sense of flow. Excited to share this conversation with you? I'm Jonathan Fields and this is SPARKED. Hey, before we dive into today's show, you know, we've learned that a lot of our listeners are sort of at this moment where they're really exploring the notion of work in their lives and their next moves in their careers. And if you are in that place, we talk about the SPARKED and the Sparketypes a lot on this show, this body of work that we've developed to help you really identify what makes you come alive and how to apply that to the world of work. We've heard from a lot of folks that they would also love some help along that journey. If you're curious, you can also find on our website a directory of Certified Sparketype Advisors who know this body of work and can really help coach and guide you through it.

Jonathan Fields: [00:03:07] So we'll drop a link to the show notes in that right now. And if it feels interesting to you and you just like somebody to help guide you through this next part of your career or work journey, take a look and see if somebody resonates. It might be the perfect fit to help you along this next leg of your journey. Again, that link is in the show notes now. Yvonne, it is always great to be hanging out with you. Long time member of the SPARKED Brain Trust. We're diving into an experience that people are feeling all over the place right now. We have both been having conversations, um, with clients, with customers, with colleagues, with teachers, with mentors. It seems like almost everywhere you go and everyone you talk to, people are going through a moment right now and it feels different. It feels different. It feels different than sort of like standard quote stress. It feels different than standard quote burnout. Talk to me about some of the conversations that you've been having with colleagues and clients, what you're seeing, what they're describing and and how it feels different.

Yvonne Ator: [00:04:28] Yeah. So yeah, first, like I thought it was the usual overwhelm, but this has a different tone to it. There's a sense of I like to use the terms like saturation. And I always think about the science experiment that a lot of us had to do in chemistry class, and where you, you're supposed to put some powder into a liquid, sorry, the powder is a solute and the liquid is a solvent. And you just the experiment is how how many scoops of the powder does it take to get the solvent or the solution at saturation point. So then you're just adding and adding and adding. And then it gets to this point called the saturation point where if you add one more grain or one more piece of that solid or that powder, the whole thing will just crystallize into like a solid, right? And that's what it feels like. It feels like everyone, at least most of the people I've talked to, pretty much everyone at this point is that saturation point. It feels like all it's going to take is just one more thing and you're nonfunctional. So I'm seeing a lot of numbness. A lot of just people don't even know how they're feeling. I talk to people, I talk to my clients, and they say, I don't even know what to think. I don't even know how to feel. I'm just. I'm just, you know, and the Turm is blown, right? You're just completely it's beyond overwhelm now. There's like it's almost like a point of of no return. Of course there is a point of return. There are solutions. But at that moment you feel like there's nowhere to go. You're just kind of deer in headlights. You're numb and just completely saturated. Whether it's the things that are happening in the world or whether it's personal, it just feels like people have reached that, that point of saturation. And if you cross that line, it, it will it will feel like a point of no return.

Jonathan Fields: [00:06:23] Yeah. I mean, it's so interesting what you're describing. And one of the distinguishing factors, I think, between that and what people often describe as burnout, like what's the difference between feeling blown and numb and burnout when I if I'm remembering correctly, World Health Organization has three criteria for burnout, and one of them is a sense of pervasive cynicism about the work that you're doing the world around you. Like what? Like about almost everything. And that's sort of like one of the commonly defining characteristics of burnout. And what you're describing is different, I think, in a meaningful way, because I feel like numbness is the phase that often happens after cynicism becomes burned out itself. And that sounds a lot of what you're describing here. Does that make sense to you?

Yvonne Ator: [00:07:11] Yes, absolutely. It's almost like your systems have completely shut down or are starting to shut down. It's almost like a self-preservation. People are buffering for lack of a better time. They're just they're just there. And when you ask about how are you feeling? They don't know how they're feeling. What are you thinking? I don't know what to think anymore. There's just this sense of being. All the circuits are fried, and it feels different from burnout because I feel like, just like you said, with burnout, there's that sense of cynicism. I think the closest thing to this is one step beyond that learned helplessness that Martin Seligman talks about, where it's like when you've been exposed to so many traumas and you've gotten to the point where there's just, there's just no hope anymore, right? Um, but this again feels like a step beyond that. There's that numbness and saturation that almost like a holding pattern that feels different to me.

Jonathan Fields: [00:08:10] So how beyond how people are describing it to you, how clients are describing it to you? How are you seeing some of the ways that this is actually showing up in their work and their lives and their relationship and their well-being?

Yvonne Ator: [00:08:22] So I'm seeing a lot of what people like to use the terms buffering. So I'm seeing a lot of like numbing out, whether it's with food or with escapism through the internet or through, uh, shopping and all of that. Um, there's no engagement. People are going home and. Not engaging with their families or going home and just being on the computer or going into a room and maybe with a glass of wine or watching TV. I'm not seeing engagement with family members. I'm not. I'm seeing escapism. I'm seeing numbing. I'm seeing the sense of there's also some shame with it, too, because it's like, you don't know what's going on, you don't know what you're feeling, what you're thinking. And so that sense of like, not enoughness, I don't have it. I don't have the capacity. And so that's what I'm seeing. And so with work, you're just kind of a robot at that point. You're just going in and doing the bare minimum. There's a sense of disengagement again. And that happens with burnout as well. So that's to be expected. But yeah, there's just this sense of the systems are shutting down, the lights are out and people are just doing whatever they can to just go through the motions. But the lights are not on in the house.

Jonathan Fields: [00:09:35] Yeah. No, I've definitely heard and seen some of that too. And I think what you described earlier with that, you know, the classic science experiment of, you know, you have a beaker with a liquid in it and you're putting, you know, a grain and a grain and a grain and grain and all. It's still liquid. It's still liquid, it's still liquid. And then like one more grain and then literally the entire thing turns from liquid to solid or to some sort of sludge type of thing. So many of us have thought that we've been existing in this liquid state, and kind of like doing okay and not realizing that grains are being dropped into our beakers, like all day, every day. And we don't realize that we've hit the point until that final grain drops in and you realize, wait a minute. Like my personal life force beaker just turned into quicksand, like it became solid. And what's interesting is and I want to be really careful here also, because neither of us are are psychotherapists, psychologists or psychiatrists. So we are. If you are feeling any version of this on a level where you feel like it is making a very meaningful and negative detrimental effect on your ability to live the life that you want to live. I always feel like when we're talking about topics like this, it's appropriate to offer the advice to seek out qualified, professional mental health care professionals. Um, to deal with this, because there will be a spectrum of how people are experiencing this moment and how people respond when that final grain gets piled in. For those where you're feeling this, but you feel like you're not there and you're trying to think what's going on here? And what might I do about this? Like, are there some ideas or are there some strategies or there are some tactics? You know, I'd love to explore those a bit with you.

Jonathan Fields: [00:11:13] You know, I think a lot of people are feeling this. I think so many people are focusing on this in the context of work these days, in particular, because they're showing up and they know that they this is part of a conversation that I'm hearing. I know that I'm so much quote better than this. However you define that, you're like, I know my best self and I know what I'm capable of. I know what my potential is, and I know what it feels like to be able to bring it all out and bring it to whatever project that I care deeply about and I'm invested in, and this is not it. And I don't know why I can't access that well anymore. And it's sort of like, you know, the circuits are fried. Um, so I think it's showing up as not just psychological and physiological manifestations, but also in a lot of the, quote, KPIs or things that organizations and leaders use to measure an individual and how they're doing in their job. And I think when that starts to affect your productivity, your efficiency, your effectiveness, your ability to actually perform at your best, then we tend to not only we we go from this overwhelm slash numb state and then we pile on shame. Yes, because we're like, I should I know I'm better than this. And are you seeing that also? Yes.

Yvonne Ator: [00:12:32] I actually was just talking to one of my clients who's a pediatrician, and she was saying, I have so many charts that are not done. And like, I know I'm better than this and and I don't know why I'm behind. And, and I think it's important to recognize the that you're having an so it's like you're supposed to experience this the situation you're in warrants that if you're a human being that you will feel the way you're feeling the world is, is is very intense right now. There's a lot going on. And whether it's at work, too, with, you know, the quiet terminations that are happening, you know, we went from quiet, you know, the great resignation to quiet quitting. And now you have the quiet terminations that are happening where you know, you're here. One minute your colleagues are not there the next. And that's something I'm seeing a lot of. So there's a lot of uncertainty. There's a lot of. And then you have the news and then you have holidays and you're supposed to be on and and doing all the things and trying to. And it's also the end of the year. So you have all of these goals that you're trying to to, to reach. Right. So there's a lot going on. And. So it would make sense, if you're a human being, to feel the impact of what is happening, and so that that shame can be debilitating because shame isolates, right? So when you're in shame, that sense of feeling like you're not blank enough, then you feel like you're by yourself.

Yvonne Ator: [00:13:57] Shame isolates and also shame kind of lies to you. It's I see it as a almost like a bully. Right? It just isolates you and lies to you all the all day long. And so being able to pause and look around and see that you're not the only one going through this, that there are actually other people who are going through the same having that common humanity and really checking the stories that you're telling yourself about what this means about you as a human being, that you're not able to do all the things that you're used to doing because you're going through this intense season. So really checking the stories and rerouting back into the fact that you are enough. And for some reason, this is the best you can do in this season. And that's okay. And using that energy to then think about a course of action that's aligned for you and supportive for you. But the thing about shame is that it's so debilitating, right? Not only are you going through this really intense experience of feeling numb and blown, then you add on the shame, which then drains whatever life force you have left and makes you feel like you're not enough, which then paralyzes you so it drains you and paralyzes you. And so then which puts you back in that further deep into that spiral of numbing and escaping and whatever it is that you do to try to to soothe yourself but is not supportive.

Jonathan Fields: [00:15:17] Yeah. I mean, it's really interesting also because part of what you're describing is this moment where I think a lot of people who are feeling this, when you walk them through, you're like, okay, so this is actually kind of what's going on. It's actually normal. It's your your brain and your body. Your mind's response to trying to like go from solid back to liquid to be more resilient. And, you know, one of the things that I would imagine you might guide an individual to do is like, look, not just necessarily long terme, but at least for the moment, given what's going on inside you and around you and how it's affecting you, it's not a bad thing to sort of lower your expectations for a particular amount of time about how are you going to show up, what you're going to be capable of. And rather than trying to assume, like, I still have to perform to this standard, which is just not available to me now and again, doesn't mean it's not available to you forever. It's just in this moment, your system is taking a hit in so many different ways that you've got to sort of like, ratchet your expectations about your capacity down a bit, and that that will not only forgive your drive to be perfect and show up in a particular way, but also probably give you a little bit more resources that you can bring online to help reset to help become more fluid.

Jonathan Fields: [00:16:26] But here's my question for you. Um, if you feel like that is sort of like a reasonable conversation to have with somebody who's going through this, like in a work experience, what do you do? Because I know that you've got to see this, especially with your physician clients. When a client nods to that and they say, yeah, that makes sense to me. Like, I don't like it. I don't like them in this moment. I don't like that I have to that it makes sense to temporarily just reset my expectations a little bit lower so I can just move through this moment and then like, eventually, like reset them maybe differently down the road. But what happens when somebody says, yes, I get that, and I would like to actually be able to do that to get out of this overwhelming numbness type of state. Yet the job, the culture, the team, the organization, the industry, the paradigm within which they work is not open to actually resetting the performance expectations by which they're measuring that person at the same time to give them a break. So you have this gap between what a person feels like they need to do to be okay, and then between what the organization is insisting on continuing to measure them by. How do you navigate moments like that? What are the conversations look like?

Yvonne Ator: [00:17:39] Yeah. So you mentioned the word capacity. That's a big word for me. And so if you're in a situation where there's no room for you to, you know, lower your expectations or ask for a break or ask for a reduction in your, you know, whether it's patient size or how much time you're spending in the hospital or at work, then, um, then you have to go back to your capacity. Right. And so I like, I, I, I like this solute versus solvent, you know, liquid versus solid. Solid. Um, metaphor. Um, I like to use that for, for situations like that. So I say okay, well what are the things that you're adding. What are the what are what are the solutes that are or the solids that are being added to your solution right now? Is there anything can we stop the adding. Right. So if your first thing to do in the morning is put on the news, like, can we stop that? What's so what are additional? What are the additions? That are making you more numb, right? What are the things that are adding to that such saturation? So can we stop that? So whether it's news, whether it's social media, whether it's, you know, relationships that might be that might not be supportive to you in this season. Not saying you should cut people off, but are there certain things that you can stop doing right? Can there are there are certain things we can stop doing to help take a few steps away from that, that saturation point.

Yvonne Ator: [00:19:05] So what are the things? So you can't really do anything about work, but are there other things you can do to help step away from that edge? Right. So um, of course there's always something. Right? So whether it's, you know, what are you consuming mentally or emotionally? Like what what are the things that you're doing or that are around you that are not supportive to you, that you can cut out? So we start to think about capacity that way. Now what about solvents? What are the things that you can add that are supportive to you? Right. They'll help dissolve help, you know, create. Again, we're trying to step away from that saturation point. So what are the things that are supportive to you. And it sounds like a no brainer. But like but whether it's turning on music or getting some exercise or getting some quality time with your family members, rather than shutting yourself in a room and with some wine and TV. Right. Well, that's a nice little escape, but it's not supportive of you, right? It's not supportive to you. So what are the things, you know, spending time in nature. These you know, it's not just self-care. It's also self-support in some ways. What are the things that can actually not just care for you, but really put some gas in the tank? Can we reorient you? And I like to think about strengths a lot. I know I talk a lot about values. In this case, I like to think about strengths a lot, or there are some things that you do that are energizing to you or what are your strengths.

Yvonne Ator: [00:20:28] Can we bring your strengths in? So for example, for someone like me, empathy is my number one strength. So if I'm in a situation where I'm completely saturated or in trouble, I will try to put myself in situations where I am empathetic in some way. So whether it's hearing other people's stories or being of service in some way, right. That's really energizing to me. Then I can go do the thing that I don't like to do. Right. Um, and so what are your strengths? Can we help orient you towards your strengths? So if creativity is a strength of yours, what are some creative things you can do to help put some gas in the tank so you can have that energy to go to work. What's your Sparketype right? You know, when people orient around their sparketypes, it can be very sparking. Energizing, right? Um, and so bringing the things in that help support you, the solvents, what are the solvents that can help dissolve all the all the crud that's building up in your life? So taking out the crud, but also bringing in more solvent, more supportive, uh, activities or practices to help you increase your capacity to do the thing that you need to do at work. So those are the conversations I have with my people. I really play around with that solute solvent metaphor. And that can be really, really helpful, uh, for those who feel blown and numb.

Jonathan Fields: [00:21:51] Yeah, that makes so much sense. It's so it's like it's like a two part thing. Like one is you look at the grains that are being put in that are making things harder and harder and more overwhelmed, more overwhelmed, more numb, more numb, and say, like, is there a way to reduce any of that in the mixture of my life, of my work right now? Because maybe that'll help back off that saturation point, the overwhelm point. And then the part two is what you're describing. Well, let's look at the solvent side, the liquid side to let's say, you know, can we add more of this stuff that backs us away from that saturation point differently, not by withdrawing like the, the, the other part of it, but like by actually adding more of the, the good stuff, the juicy stuff, the stuff that makes us liquid and free and agile and adaptive more into the mix. And what's interesting is I feel like some of us feel like it's sometimes a little counterintuitive because you think, well, the thing that I need to do here is not add something else in because I'm already at a point of overwhelm. But when you actually say like you're describing, but if you add something in that's a reflection of your strengths or of your Sparketype, even though it may actually ask you to invest more effort, um, that that effort is nourishing in a way that actually serves as a healthy, functional lubricating coping mechanism, rather than one that deepens you into a state of saturation and overwhelm and numbness. Does it? Did I get that right?

Yvonne Ator: [00:23:16] Yes, yes. And with the pediatrician I was talking to. Right. Even something as as easy as like turning on some music. Right. Which can really help with the dopamine. And so even if you're feeling fried, turning on some music while working, if you're able to work with music on can be very energizing for some people. Right. And so like, what is that thing? What are those things? Things that are supportive to you? Is it is it being around people that energize you for a bit and then going and doing the work right, or doing your work while you're around people that energize you? Right? For me, that and for a lot of people that can be very, very supportive, adding taking out the things that are draining or that get in the way or saturate you. And again, it doesn't have to be the beauty of this is that it doesn't have to be permanent, right? This is just a season. And so, you know, when people hear, oh, things to cut out, you know, I'm not taking your social media away from you. Right. It's just it's checking social media first thing in the morning. Supportive to you. If it's not can we wait till later like, you know, after noon? I like the rule that, you know, no social media before noon.

Yvonne Ator: [00:24:23] Right. So can you have something like that where it's like, okay, you're not really rubbing yourself of things, but you're taking away things that are draining in this season. This is just a season. It's not permanent. And then later when you're feeling better, you can renegotiate. So what are the things you can add for now again. And so even the people that you're cutting out, you know, it's again it's not permanent. You can come back later and say, I just needed some time. I was super saturated and I want to be a good partner to you or a good friend to you. So, so I wanted to make sure that I took care of myself first. Right. You can have those conversations later or even before. And another thing that I like to think about is when you're doing all of this, remembering why you're doing it, it's so that you can show up the way you want to show up, so you can be who you want to be in this season, even if it means scaling down. So what are the things you can scale down or cut out in this season to help expand your capacity? And then you can bring them back later, right. And renegotiate for the next season?

Jonathan Fields: [00:25:26] Yeah, I love that. And it's a great approach because for those who are listening, who are saying, look, I'm feeling this way, I'm feeling overwhelmed and numbness, and I don't see any reprieve coming from my work culture or, and manager or leader like, this is like it kind of is what it is, that there are other options here. There are things that you can do that may feel like, well, you're adding to something where you're already at past a point of saturation or overwhelm. Yet these are the things that actually they add movement. They add fluidity and freedom to the system. Even though you might exert more effort to do them, they actually give you more back than you put in. They, they they free things up so that the overwhelm starts to dissolve a bit. And the numbness, the feelings start to come back a bit. Any final thoughts or insight or recommendation before we wrap up? For somebody who might be sort of in this.

Yvonne Ator: [00:26:19] Moment, I think what what keeps coming up for me is you don't have to do everything. You really don't. Whose expectations are you trying to meet? Whose metrics are you trying to follow? Right. If you don't have to go to that extra meeting of the 500 meetings you're attending, if you can get out of it, get out of it. Right. And so you get to set the tone as much as you can, right? You can focus on the things that you have control over, right, and not let somebody else set the agenda. If you're able to if you're able to set that agenda for yourself, then as much as you can, then follow that. But you don't have to do everything. You don't have to do everything everyone's asking you to do. You actually still have a choice you still have control over. For the most part. I know there's there work requirements and everything, but outside of those mandatory things that you have to do, you don't have to do everything outside of that, right? There are some things that you can step away from or scale down or scale down those expectations or or say no to you don't have to go to all the holiday parties. You can go to some that you find energizing. And if you feel like you'll be drained, stay home and, you know, do something that's supportive to you. So that's what's coming up for me. You don't have to do everything. You get to set the tone. You get to set your agenda and focus on that.

Jonathan Fields: [00:27:36] Love that. And that makes so much sense. It feels like a good place for us to wrap up on this topic. So if you're feeling these things again, if you feel like it's interfering with your life, your ability to feel, to work, to relate, to do on a level that is causing you to not be able to show up in the way you want to show up, or really, it's being disruptive. Do not ever hesitate to reach out to qualified mental health care professionals. And if you feel like you're just feeling these things, but it's at a point where there are things that are within your control. Some of the ideas we've talked about here that you can implement them. By all means, check them out and let us know how that's working for you. Yvonne, always great to be in conversation with you, to learn from you and for your insights, and to our fabulous audience listening community here at SPARKED. Thanks so much. We'll see you again here next week. Take care. Hey, so I hope you enjoyed that conversation. Learned a little something about your own quest to come alive in work, in life, and maybe feel a little bit less alone along this journey to find and do what sparks you.

Jonathan Fields: [00:28:34] And remember, if you're at a moment of exploration, looking to find and do, or even. Create work that makes you come more fully alive, that brings more meaning and purpose and joy into your life. Take the time to discover your own personal sparketype for free at sparketype.com. It'll open your eyes to a deeper understanding of yourself and open the door to possibility like never before. And hey, if you're finding value in these conversations, please just take an extra second right now to follow and rate SPARKED in your favorite podcast app. This is so helpful in helping others find the show and growing our community so that we can all come alive and work in life together. Until next time, I'm Jonathan Fields and this is SPARKED. This episode of SPARKED was produced by executive producers Lindsey Fox and Me, Jonathan Fields. Production and editing by Sarah Harney. On this episode.